Thursday, December 31

When Night Has Passed But Sleep Did Never Come

When Night Has Passed But Sleep Did Never Come
And windows shine with all the morning sun
But moon and stars skipped over you at night
And skin is dry and wound around you tight
When those fans of laptops wake you up,
And coffee gives no grace within each cup,
And orange juice tastes like water,
And bread like frozen dirt,
When summer heat is passing and storms raise no alert...

Then find me in my bed, dear,
Find me clear and wide-eyed,
No pillow 'neath my head, dear,
Or sheet under my side.

You'll find me cold as death, dear
But I am quite alive.
And you can have each breath, dear
From you I will not hide.

I may give quite the vex, dear 
But this will change with time.
If you will seek me next year,
You may just change your mind.

My sweatshirt may be stained, dear, 
My socks are mostly soiled,
But I don't feel the shame, dear, 
I know these past time toils.

Please think of me in gold, dear, 
In purples rich and blue.
Life's good I know I'm told, dear, 
In color, shade, and hue.

So hold on to me dear, dear
And I will hold to you.
I do not know comes near, dear
But I know I love you.

I may give quite the vex, dear
But this will change in time
If you will find me next year,
You may just change your mind.

So hold on to me dear, dear, 
And I will hold to you,
I don't know what comes near, dear, 
But I know I love you. 

A Bad Habit

(Not great......but each exercise brings me closer to being better. Indulge me a bit.)
I Once Desired Kindness
And sometimes I still do
But earth inhabits cruelty
Seems nothing else will do

I used to look for beauty
Aesthetically pleased
But in the realest moments
Twas blackness all I sees

I once worked for all harmony
The risks my hope did take
Stark melody took over
For every human's sake

I used to bite my finger nails.....

I once thought I knew quite abit
How silly of me really
I once thought I could write well
But that was also silly

I've tried not not to like this place
It seems a little bleak
The grayness clouds my face some
The more I give and seek.

I once would bite each finger nail...

I worked (once) with many broken,
They sought me out to talk
But I tried much too hard then
To crutch each broken walk.

I felt a little lonely once, 
But I had many friends
They did not know me very well
Despite communal ends

I tried hard to explain myself
To analyze each thought
I color-labelled every mood, 
Each dispositive thought.

I used to bite each finger nail......

I worked hard to describe myself
In this too much was spent
I haven't kicked this habit yet
I'll let it go for Lent.

Self analyzing, my addiction
I can't do without
My mind, my heart, my character,
Morality, my doubt.

I used to bite my finger nails, on them I used to chew--
I used to bite each finger nail,
--but this one I still do.

Wailing Wall

If they did know how much I hated them
They would not seek me out to be their friend
And I as utter isolation found
Would be content in water till I drown
And wake the dead from underneath the seas
And swim them up from all of their disease
And on and on the tide would flow and flow
And on and on, would flow and flow and flow
And ice and rain and snow and snow and snow
Would wash me over in that flow, that flow

If Chopin watched me listen to his prose
Jump up and down those keys and keys and notes, 
He'd see me cry and mist and tear and tense
Within my stable kept behind the fence
And I would let those tears just flow and flow
If he could only know, if he could only know.

If stars could breath me in as I breath them
They'd taste a bit of their own sweet heaven
And swallow dust of bone and flesh and mind
And heart and soul and all that them does bind.
And heart and light would travel on and on
Together through infinity's beyond.
And all is well, and all is well, and all
Is well and well while Wailing at the Wall.  

Wednesday, December 30

The Flower's Response

Then sat I there in ponder of this breeze,
to tell me so securely of unease,
To open up its trust to me and tell
that wilting flowers makes it so unwell.

I thought about how I could help this flower
if only I did have some omni-power
I then could stop all flower from its wilting
from worm, from weed, from seasons earthly tilting
I turned to ask the flower of its thoughts,
and here in keeping is its own response
"Kindly, flower, tell me, what would make you last? What would keep you strong? Would it erase the past?"

It replied,

"Twas darkness full, the whole world dull,
All dark and gray and cold,
No live thing grew, no color hue,
No purples, greens, and gold.
Each dead thing crawled on belly sprawled
It fed on its own death
Pulsating from its barren womb
And unforgiving breath.

Up from a stone amidst two bones
Came one eternal piece
Of goodness, beauty, incarnate,
Of love and happiness.

This piece alone fought stone and bone
To bring each death to life.
To take each tomb out from their womb
Make spirit from the strife.

Then birth was found and from the ground
Those bones were made to flesh,
To consciousness, to breath to bliss,
Mistakes, and forgiveness.

But this flesh cursed its own new birth
For life there wasn't easy.
"What's all this for?" it cried, it swore,
"This place is so unpleasing."
But on it lived, limbs bones and ribs,
Discovering creation.
It painted trees and swam the seas
And found natural elation.

And from its song, more flesh came 'long
To search for life's own meaning,
To clear the rubble, heal the trouble,
Bandage each's bleeding.

"The flower paused, here at this clause,
And single petal shed.
"Why is there something versus nothing?
Life and not the dead?"

I looked with tear on flower so dear
To see that it, too, wondered,
Why love? Why life?
Why death? Why strife?
Why lightning? Why thunder?

But as I cried out all the why's
The flower's petals grew
Out from the ground under its mound
A tiny sprout anew.

"I choose to live this anyway,
I choose it new each day.
We've transformed death into this life
And that is much to say.
Just maybe someday life will be
Living deep love continually
And by our own creativity
Great Death its own sweet death will see.
I cannot give the outs and ins
Of Time and shy Eternity
But I will live despite the sins
Of God and his humanity."

And then the flower lost solar power
And folded up with grace
To face another breezy shudder
In all the following days.

And breeze and I stood by and by
With many thoughts to ponder
Of evening shade of grass and blade
Of flower and its wonder.

Dec 20,2009

When we weep, we don't weep we
When weep we, weep we alone.
When we weep, weep we only I
And I weep I weep don't we when


He wept: salt dripping skin tasting tears
blurry eyes puffy red ears
scratchy throat tensing talk tightened neck
gasping air convulsing lungs ribs breath
gag once twice calm catch slow
puddle dirt shaking hands elbows

"Lazarus, come forth."


The closing blackness all around does come
The sinking heart and feeling fingers none
And when the cold goes back and forth with warm
All will be done, oh! not quite well, but done.
The fading picture loses touch around
And focuses on imagery anew
The timeline different, even almost gone.
A hand from nowhere, me it does cry to.
What, what was that? What is a hand doing
Grasping my foot with yelling screaming tears
While one more grabs my arm and while pulling
Pours music pure and sweet into my ears?
       A life in heav'n is not a life in hell
       But hope does wish my family's doing well.